It was the greatest sandwich ever. All 5 bites.

Hi, hello. My name is Jessica, and I'm sort of (deathly) scared of spiders. The following story is one that I can only hope I'll forget..but I know that's completely out of the question. Especially because I have evidence.

And the evidence is too funny not to share.

You see, the evidence is a sandwich all mayonaise down on the rug that I'm a freak about. Serious.

...

Kass and I woke up pretty early this morning, and started watching TV. Tummys started grumbling a few minutes later so we went into the kitchen to make the best sandwiches ever.

Pickles, cheese, and (the last of the) turkey. Yum!!

I grab a soda, and sit down on the *loveseat.

*Usually this is not the case. About 6 or so months ago, I went to sit on this couch and before sitting down, I simply moved the pillow to the side. Good thing I did because there was a spider in between the cushion of the couch and the pillow. Now, each time I sit on that couch, I do a spider check. Except for this time. :(

So, we're watching *The Voice*, and I say to Kass "Man, these sangwiches are delicious. Best ever!"

A few minutes later at the exact same moment, Kassi and I jump up! (We have spi-dar like cats have reflexes.)

*THERE WAS A SPIDER CRAWLING ON MY LEG!!!!*

Moments later the sandwich was flung, tears came flowing, I moved faster than I have in a long time, and I was rockin' some Olympic worthy knee touch foot stomp moves.

This lasted for a solid 5 minutes until Kassi came into the back room and said "Jess, I'm pretty sure he's a goner."

...

Now, the worst part of this story besides the fact that I wasted a pickle, had a spider crawling on my leg, and the mayonaise on my rug is the fact that:

*The spider is not dead, and is still somewhere in my living room.*

It's going to be a rough week avoiding that room. It's sort of a common place to hang out.

Oh, and if you're wondering about my empty tummy and turkeyless fridge, Kassi was nice enough to share her sandwich with me. :) Sisters are totally the greatest!

Takin the gloves off.

I've been laughing uncontrollaby lately. It feels like the times in High School where the teacher stares at you because you and a select few are laughing so hard, and you can't stop.

And then you look over at a friend to help calm you down, and it only makes the situation worse as you realize they are red in the face and failing to hide an outburst.

So, I should work on this. How do you work on holding in laughter? Oh, maturity? Well then...nevermind.

...

At least yesterday...I wasn't alone in the laughing outburst.

At work I'd done some testing with an agent. Another supervisor slides over and here ya go:

"Oh hey..she's already been tested. She's great, we just have to wait for a schedule to come up that she's able to work. There's no need to test her again."

"Oh cool...Um, is that in a report or something so I can check first before I bring them up here to test?"

"Well..not exactly..but..it's on my "to do" list today! So, in the meantime, if you just want to tell me the name before you bring them up, I'll let you know if they've already been tested or not."

(Trying to picture a visual of my list of people to test today when "Nau"--another agent-- pops into my head.)

Me: "How about Nau?" (Pronounced "now")

"Oh..um..like, what do you mean? Make the list now?"

I said it with such force. He was a little scared. We cracked up a little. The end.

Highly Educational Conversation.

Katie: We should go to the festival of colors tomorrow.
Me: Oh! It's going on tomorrow, too?!
Katie: Yes! From Twelve to Noon.
Me: Really? Only for 2 hours?

How does he know?!

I'm talking to my dog this morning as I'm searching my closet for something to wear.

"Hey hun, let's go potty!"

He looks at me like um. no..I'm good.

"C'mon Trey, let's go potty!"

He stands up, and stretches. Taking his time, he makes his way over to me.

Seeing that I'm still looking through my closet, he makes a split second decision and takes a hike *back to his bed*!!

This, apparently, isn't his first ro-dey-o.

I so love this dog! :)

Trav's dropped jaw was priceless.

Travis got a new iPhone (finally!) on Sunday. He was so anxious to get it up and running but he needed to get a sim card for it before he was able to make/receive calls or text.

"I'll go first thing when I get off of work tomorrow, and get a sim card. Tonight I want to put music and stuff on it though. Can you delete the data and stuff from the previous owner?"

"Sure babe..I'll just restore to default."

That's where the adventure began.

We found out that when you "restore to default" it locks the phone up until a sim is put in. You cannot access music, or anything else on the phone. Oops.

So, we hop in the car (in the pouring rain) and drive over to Grandpa's house. I'd given them an extra sim that I had so we were going to give that a shot.

--Insert Trav's hopes going back up here.

We get the sim, I call ATT and they are closed.

Bummer.

In not giving up without a fight, I look online to see if maybe there is a 24 hour service number.

Finally find one, call them, and find out that you can only have a number assigned to a sim card once.

Back to square one.

The rep at ATT said "You can buy sim cards from Kiosks in Wal-Mart or Best Buy, though. It doesn't have to be the actual ATT store"

Sweet!!

--Insert Trav's hopes going back up here.

I call Best Buy. Sunday. Closed.

I call Wal-Mart. ATT Kiosk closes at 8. It's 8:30.

We decide to make the trip to ATT anyway...maybe we'd get lucky.

Go out in the pouring rain for a second time.

Find the ATT kiosk, and ask for sim cards. Find out they are 25 bucks, and that they *do* have one!!

--Insert Trav's hopes going back up here.

Realize we both forgot our wallets.

Back out into the pouring rain, grab the wallet, and go back to Wal-Mart.

Buy the sim card, get home, and I call ATT.

I work with a nice lady from India for close to an hour. We needed to activate the sim card, change Trav's number, and make sure everything was set to go. Trav is pacing the living room at this point, anxious and asking every 3 minutes "Is it working? Is she going to be able to get it going tonight? Did you ask her about this?"

Then he sits down and I put it on speakerphone.

"Sir, you have 3 choices to pick from for your number. They are blah, blah, and blah."

"The first one sounds great"

"Okay, let me just go ahead and activate that for you. One sec. Okay, your number is going to be 801 254 (Silence)"

Trav and I immediately notice the very large letters at the top of my phone that say "Call Failed".

I guess at this point my dropped jaw was pretty priceless, too...but I could only see Trav's and it's been enough to keep me giggling all week!!

Thank goodness this nice lady called us back, and we *were* able to get him up and running that night. It only took 4 hours. No biggie.

The right place at the right time?

Updated--with picture!!

As you can see in the picture, it's not like they could see the man from a distance. It's like his bum was almost touching the window.

I wanted a picture for this story, because I think it would immensely help with the visualization but unfortunately that's not happening anytime soon so put on your thinking caps, and use your imagination!!

I was at the gym the other day, and decided to take advantage of the attached tanning place afterwords.

I walk in, and they indicate there is a 13 minute wait for the bed I want. No biggie. I take a seat, and patiently wait.

A few minutes into the wait a group of 6-ish girls walks in. They are hysterically laughing. In fact, one of them even falls on the floor.

Annoyed, but extremely interested, I'm thinking "Seriously?! What could be that funny?"

Then one of them says to the lady behind the desk "Are you aware there is a man in that room (points to a room with a *huge* window which faces the front of the tanning place), and he's undressing and putting lotion on? And also, he didn't close the blinds"

*Insert laughs coming from everyone in the room*

(It's at this point that I wonder what exactly the man *is* doing...he's in a room, about ready to tan. Putting lotion on, and he thinks no one is watching. Is he flexing? Checking out his muscles? Putting lotion on his feet? (Sorry for that image..but if I have to have it, then so do you!) ...And the laughing is uncontrollable.

Lady behind the counter turns completely red and says "Alex...?"

Manly voice: "Uh..yeah?"

"Did you close the blinds?"

"Well...(long pause)the windows are tinted...right?!"

"No, no they're not. Sorry..."

Silence...

Then one of the 6 girls who walked in broke the awkwardness with a kind "Dude, we saw it all!"

How nice of her!!

That poor, poor man!! hahaha...how he came out of that room when he was done tanning is beyond me!!

His "goodbye" consisted of:

"So, did you all see everything?"

I mean, I wasn't expecting much of a goodbye..after all...there was *no way* he was going to even come close to his entrance. Dude totally came in with a bang. And a show.

Come to think of it...it WAS #1 on the list of most popular girls names in 1987.

This conversation happens at least 3 times a week and, bless his heart, I think it's adorable.

Security Man: (Yes, another Security Man story) "Have a great night!"
Me: "You too!"
Security Man: "Hey, can I ask you a question?"
Me: (Think to myself "What would he need to ask me, he already knows my name..") Smile and say "Sure!"
Security Man: "May I ask what your name is?"
Me: (Really? I just told you two days ago..) Smile and say "It's Jessica"
Security Man: "Jessica! Okay. I've got to get all of these Jessica's straight!"
Me: "Yeah, there sure are lots of us!"

Three times a week.

This conversation takes place with the same man three times a week people.

I'm so confused.

Silly Kassi. We'll give you a Pumpkin 101.

Posting about our Pumpkin Carving Party reminded me of a conversation between Kassi and my Aunt Kristine.

AK: Hey, keep your eye out at the stores for pumpkins. The cheapest I can find is 0.11.
Kassi: Okay.

Jessica: Pumpkins are only 2.50 each here.
Kassi: Well AK found them for 11 cents. We have to beat that. 2.50 is way too much.
Jessica: Right, Kass..11 cents means 11 cents per *pound* not 11 cents per pumpkin!
Kassi: Ohh!! I was wondering why she wanted to find them for cheaper than 11 cents, I thought that was a really good deal!!

The reason I do the cooking at home. Part 2.

First of all, check these numbers out because they make me happy...

292 Posts since I started this blog almost *three* (crazy!) years ago.
5913 Views

That's like almost 300...and almost 6000. Wow. Awesome! I'm glad I'm still keeping up with my blog, and I'm glad you are all still reading!

Now, onto the story that will most likely make you smile on this long Monday afternoon.

My sister is currently staying with us. She is what you would call a complete rookie when it comes to cooking. She is 21 now (well, in 15 days) but that is just not acceptable! I'm watching out for her future husband/kids, so I've been having her help me out in the kitchen.

I refuse to hear about her children and husband eating Ramen Noodles more than twice a day.

The other night just as I was walking out to the grill to start the meat, I toss her a pack of this *simple* pasta, and tell her to follow the directions.

I come in a few minutes later and she is still standing there reading the package. She's got one of her eyebrows raised, and she's in deep thought.

"How come you haven't started it yet?"

"Well, the package doesn't say what to put the oven on."

"Kass. First of all, you cook it on the stove. See where it shows a picture of that pan right there? Yeah, that doesn't go in the oven. Second of all, you just have to boil the water and butter together. You can really put the stove on whatever you want. I usually put it on high and watch it carefully."

"Oh...I hope one day I can remember all of this."

I hope so too, sissy. I hope so, too!

No worries though, it will come, and we will keep practicing, promise!

Internet. How I love thee.

I've been in Price this week, at the Holiday Inn.

Last night I realized a few things:
1- I'm blonde. (Trav's right about that, as much as I try to deny it.)
2- I think I'm addicted to the Internet.

7:30- Get home (to the hotel) from work, finish eating my dinner.
7:32- Crawl under the blankets because I'm a little chilly. (See: Ilovetobecold and ThisiswhatIdowhenIcan. The air might have been turned down to 58, but I won't admit I'm that crazy.)
7:33- Contemplate turning the air off. Decide against doing so.
7:35- Pick up my iphone and try to go into a new GPS app that I downloaded a few days ago to check it out.

--Realize that I don't have an internet connection and set my phone back down.

7:38- Get bored again. Pick up my phone and click on the apps store. (Keeps me entertained for hours.)

--Realize yet again that I don't have an internet connection and set my phone down.

7:41- Pick up my phone, and click on Safari. I had a brilliant idea to look up and save a bunch of wallpapers for the future.

--You know what happens next.

7:41- Watch a little TV.

On the first commercial- Pick my phone up again, and click on Facebook. Remember that I've picked up my phone to do something Internet related 4 times in the last 10ish minutes, and giggle a little.

At which point I decide to just *try* to get the internet connection to work so I can post something on Facebook.

Bad news: It took 15 minutes to post 10 words.
Good news: I felt accomplished, and kept myself busy for 15 minutes.

Camping...two weekends in a row.

Camping two weeks in a row is the perfect start to any summer, imo.

Last year I had to ask someone what imo meant. (Rookie, I know.)

Oh well, the past is the past, and this year I'm rockin' it.

Sort of like how I "rocked" going camping one weekend, going out of town during the next week for work, and then going camping again the next weekend, which happened to be the day I got home from out of town.

Packing was pretty easy that month. :)

Anyways, here are some pictures from our camping trip like 3 or 4 weeks ago.

Turns out I like to post *lots* of pictures on the blog. Also, I'm pretty indecisive, so I have a hard time deciding which pictures should stay and go.

But I don't like to wait for them to individually load.

So, I throw them all together into a collage (Well, not really throw...sometimes I try to make the pictures look pretty, and put them in a collage with other pictures that "flow".

That way I only have to wait for a few pictures (of pictures) to upload.

I know it's taking the easy way out.

Don't judge.

1-- I've always wanted Trey to love the water. Kinda weird, I know. There's just something about a puppy swimming, playing in water, that I absolutely adore. This time when we went camping, I decided to trick him by throwing a rock into the river behind our tent and tell him to "Go get it!" (I knew he wouldn't want anything to do with the water if I just told him to "Go in") Being the disciplined doggie that he is, he ran right into the water. I know if he could speak English, he would have thanked me over and over. From that point on, we couldn't really get him *out* of the water. He really loved it! It also helped while we were packing things up, I'd throw a rock in and tell him to go get it and he'd spend a good 20 minutes in the river looking for the same exact rock that I threw :). I am almost as excited as I was the first time he lifted his leg to pee on a tree

2-- I'm trying to talk Trav into us getting a truck. In the meantime, Trey and I share the front seat. Um, not necessarily a favorite of either of ours. I suppose it's good "quality" time though. I took the first picture on the way up, and the second one on the way back. He was a tired little boy on the way home. I don't blame him though. Peeing and marking territory on every single tree within a mile radius has got to be rough. He lives a rough life I tell ya

3-- I adore these flowers, and love how they look against the black car that was passing them. I bet the people in the black car thought that I thought they (or their car) was awesome, but that's not the case. They can still think that though, I suppose.

We saw this blazer catch on fire on the way up the mountain. I didn't know that the name of the vehicle was a literal name. That's a super quick way to put a damper on things. (Note to self: Don't buy a blazer

4-- Camping was wonderful, as always! Someone was in *our spot* so we had to camp right next to it, which wasn't so bad...but we're thinking about putting a permanant sign by our spot that says "The Johnsons" or something. I hope that's not illegal. We did all of the usual things: Fished, Rafted, Canoed, Cooked, Hung out, Made someone fall out of a boat, Laughed, and had a great time! --Even the falling out of the boat (canoe) part. One thing that we tried that we'd never done before was cook "Hobo Dinners". These are probably the most amazing thing in the world! I highly suggest them..we are definitely going to add this little dinner to each of our camping trips from now on!!

Slexting?

Going camping this weekend and supposed to be getting stuff ready but I just had to pop in and share this story with you all. (Now that I'm done laughing and bawling!)

This little story features my sister, Kassi and my cousin, Alexis. Unfortunately I had no part in it, except for waking up to both of their texts, explaining the situation.

Before I begin--I'll give you a few facts about my sister, Kassi.
-Avid texter.
-Avid speeder.
-Due to some unfortunate circumstances, she's recently picked up another job. (Working for the US Census.)
-Avid sleep talker.

Today, we're able to add another to that list.

-Avid slexter.

What is that, you ask?

Well, last night at approximately 11:30pm, Alexis called Kassi. Kassi was asleep (See facts above) and did not answer the phone. Well, a few hours later (1:21am), Kassi awoke thinking for some reason she needed to text Alexis back. So, she did just that.

Here's the text:

Who colptede for theus cen benru_a?

Get it?

Me either.

After Kassi woke up, she realized that she had slexted (sleep texted) HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF THAT BEFORE??? I sure haven't. In fact it's sort of creepy, but hilarious at the same time!

Kassi's *awake* interpretation: I'm with the US Census Bureau. Who completed the Census form?

Dear Kassi,

Keep work at work, and give your cousin a break. She's just barely out on her own. Give her a little slack when it comes to the Census forms, a?

Also, you only get a few hours of rest each night. Take advantage, and PUT YOUR PHONE DOWN for once.

Love,
Sissy.

To buy: A working timer.

Apparently the one on the stove doesn't work. I learned last night that even though the timer still says "35 minutes," it's okay, and suggested to take the cake out of the oven after it's been in there for over an hour.

Yeah.

It was a good idea at first. It even looked good after it was frosted.

Don't ask how it tasted.

Also don't ask how many peices Trav ate in one sitting, because if I told you three, you would think that's gross.

The job with no requirements necessary.

Today my lunch at Wendy's was 5 dollars and 61 cents.

After deciding that I didn't necessarily want or need 4 *more* pennies to add to my collection, I pull up to the window and say "Oh, I have a penny!"

The young girl at the window looked at me like I'd just informed here that I was there to rob the place. She was terrified. After a few seconds, she mumbles "Well, I already have it here. I already counted it out." (Looking to the register, trusting every cent it tells her to give back as my change.)

I gave her a few seconds to maybe process that 4 pennies plus the one I was going to give her would equal 5 pennies a.k.a. a nickel.

Didn't work.

"That's okay, I'll just give you this penny, then you can put all of the pennies back in the drawer, and give me a nickel."

(Insert long moments of silence here.)

"OH, okay, so...your change would be 30 cents then, right?"

Sigh. "Yes, that's fine. Thanks!"

WHAT ON EARTH WOULD THESE CHILDREN DO IF THE CASH REGISTERS WERE DOWN AND THEY HAD TO MANUALLY COUNT OUT CHANGE?!

That would be a scary, scary day.

New Word. Pruh-View.

I made up a new word today at work. Feel free to use it at any time.

Preview- pru·view /ˈpruhˌvyu/

Pronounced [pruh-vyoo]

-noun

1. to view or show beforehand or in advance.

Notes: To be used in place of pre-view when one intends on sounding sophisticated.

Is it Friday yet??

The following may or may not be true...

In preparing to shop for a new deck (stereo) for my car today, I called the Best Buy close to our house.

I know, good idea, right?

I was calling to make sure they had an opening to install it for me after I purchased it.

After the following conversation however, I decided it may be best to find a *different* Best Buy to purchase my stereo at. I couldn't bring myself to go into the store after this little Blonde moment.

"Thank you for calling Best Buy where your blah blah blah and we can blah blah blah, my name is Eric, how can I help you?"

"Yeah, can you please transfer me to electronics?"

"Uh..what type?"

"Oh, right. Um Car Stereo please."

Thank you McDonald's, for my new obsession.

...what a fine choice in song. I'm obsessed.

Oh, the joy.

Key:
Tommy- Grandpa
Kristine- Aunt
Lilly/Lilian- Cat
The 42"- Grandpa's TV, left on and blaring, in his bedroom down the hall.

Kristine (Trying ever so hard to crack a joke, with an inside request)- "Dad, is Lilly in there watching your TV?"
Tommy- "Oh yeah, I like the TV real well!"
Kristine- "No, I mean is Lilian in there watching it?"
Tommy- "Well, I'm not too sure where Lilly is. I haven't seen her all day!"
Kristine- "Dad, is there a reason your TV is still on and turned up louder than the TV out here?"
Tommy- "Oh. I thought Mama turned it off."

Just use the other door.

Here's the thing...I understand the need for a handicapped door and I have nothing against the purpose. At all. I do, however, think they should serve as both a handicapped door, and a regular door. If you'd like the door to open for you, awesome...press the button and there you go. If you'd like to open the door yourself, then it should allow you full access.

See, I'm a door swinger. This means when I open a door...I *open* the door with a little umph...

My strength seems to backfire on me each morning as I'm walking into work because for some reason 1)I never remember to just use the other door and my problem will be solved and 2)The handicap door lets you attempt to swing it open with umph but halfway, it's like a dead stop and then it s l o w l y opens, and 3) I'm so sure of my timing that as soon as I swing the door open, I walk right in...

With the combination of 1, 2, and 3...I'm left, standing halfway through the door, looking like some idiot who just walked into a door.

Vegas...check! Money saved...Check! Valid Driver's License...uhh...ohh..

Yesterday I realized something.

As part of my *lately* daily routine, I stare off into space for a good 10 minutes picturing what I think Vegas is going to be like. (The last time I was there, I was about 7 so I hardly remember anything.) Following the daze is usually a series of me google-ing must see attractions in Vegas, or looking at palm trees and hyping myself up because in 6 days, we leave for this mini-vacation. So. Stoked.

Back to my realization.

Somewhere in yesterday's daze, I imagined winning a lot of money and having someone ask for my ID.

Then I remembered something...which very quickly led to other things.

1) Last Saturday my Driver's License came up missing.
2) Even if I had my Driver's License, it expires on my birthday...which is in 4 days.
3) Vegas will not have sympathy for my lack of *or* expired license.
4) I should have thought of these things a LOT sooner.
5) Last week when Auntie Tammy renewed her license, she said it was an absolute mess.

So, I call the driver's license place and ask lots of questions. Turns out the lady was extremely helpful, but out of all the answers she gave me, I was a fan of none of them. Here is some of the information she gave me:

1) Right now is the busiest time for the DMV.
2) There is no such thing as an "online appointment"
3) There is absolutely no way to get a plastic license by the time I leave for Vegas next week. (They give a paper-temporary license and then mail out the plastic one.)
4) The DMV is not open on Fridays or weekends and they close at 6.
5) The DMV doesn't care about people who work Monday through Friday 9-6.
6) Wait times would easily be 2 hours.
7) I would have to take a test to renew my license.
8) I needed to bring my life story to the DMV with me because of "new procedures"

Cool.

Very long story short...I called a big hotel in Vegas and told them there was no way I'd be able to have a plastic ID when I'm down next week because I had to get it renewed and asked if they'd take a paper ID. The guy was very nice and explained to me that yes, they could accept the paper ID as long as I had the old plastic one to show that it was expired and that's why I had a new one.

Great.

At this point, I'm mainly scared to call the bestest and tell her that I'm not able to go to Vegas because I don't know where my Driver's License is. She's a pretty scary bestest.

But I made the call. I tried to beat around the bush and tell her that Vegas will not accept the paper ID at all. No exceptions. And it worked like a charm.

Until she called me back a few minutes later...

Mari: "Hey! Guess what?! So, I just got off the phone with the DMV here and they said they print out the plastic ID's the same day, so I'm thinking you can just come to Idaho, say you moved here...and get an ID, and we'll be set! All you need to bring is your Driver's License from Utah and wa-lah..."

Busted.

That conversation ended after some yelling and promising to find my Driver's License.

I retraced steps, called everywhere and finally, the last place I called....had it!!

After work I went to the DMV and I was in and out in 30 minutes. It couldn't have gone any smoother, so I can't complain!

AND...

That test I was supposed to take?

Never had to take it!

So, now that that little dillema has been taken care of...I'm back to daydreaming...I cannot wait!!